I recently sent out a proposal to several music academies. It was for a talk about my story of losing and reclaiming my voice.
Not ten minutes after I hit ”send,” I got a reply from a professor of classical singing. She thanked me for the email, but said she was opposed to one of the methods I’ve studied. On that basis, she didn’t want to invite me to speak to her students. She also expressed concern that the talk might be too “dark” for young singers in a vulnerable phase of their development.
I replied, briefly:
The method, for me, is simply about anatomy. And in any case, it’s not what the talk is about. The talk is about finding strength in your own voice and about the stigma surrounding voice issues.
A few minutes later, another professor (actually a colleague of the first one, in the same email thread) wrote. Also a no. Again, the method was the reason. From her tone, it seemed she thought I was proposing a workshop in that method. Which I wasn’t.
I needed some time to process.
My first reaction was…
Shame.
How could I have been so stupid as to mention the method at all? After all it has a somewhat “ruffled” reputation in some circles… Why hadn’t I just been smarter and more strategic? (although honestly, it’s just about anatomy and physiology for musicians—nothing more, nothing less)
Classic shame spiral.
Then came another wave of thought:
They didn’t listen.
They hadn’t really read the proposal.
They hadn’t watch the video I had linked to.
They actually didn’t know what they said no to.
And then came the deeper realisation:
This is exactly the point.
This is what happens:
We don’t listen.
We are not listened to.
One of the hardest parts of losing my voice wasn’t the silence – it was the not being heard.
Many of the professionals I turned to had already made up their minds. They weren’t listening for anything that didn’t confirm their existing theories.
And over the past few years, I’ve spoken with so many singers – especially classical singers – who experienced voice trouble early in their training. Often, they weren’t met with curiosity or support, but with judgment. They were told they weren’t cut out for this. Either physically or mentally.
Sound familiar?
So, these short email exchanges only added weight to my case.
We need to talk about this.
Not in a sensational way or to point fingers. But to make space for truth and nuance.
Even if the topic isn’t sunshine and rose petals. Even if it’s uncomfortable.
Especially if it’s uncomfortable.